Death Doula
Ibiza
"Understanding grief, how we approach loss and endings is a valuable aspect of personal growth. Talking about death is talking about life."
How would you describe the work that you do?
I offer courses and in-person retreats, and provide people with resources that bring participants together around the most vital education of a lifetime - how to communicate and plan for the end of life. I’ve now been teaching on this subject for more than 20 years now.
What led you to this work?
Death and caring for people at the end of life was normalized for me at a young age by my maternal grandmother who brought people into her home for their end of life care. By the age of 16, I was working in nursing homes and by 21, I had established home care services primarily to assisted living homes in the United States. As a student of Tibetan Buddhism, and the teachings on end of life, the bardos, and powa, I’ve been inspired since a young age to learn about ancient cultures, ritual, and consciousness in relation to loss, death and dying.
Who is this work for?
It is for anyone who wishes to cultivate a relationship with their own mortality or to help others through the end of life. Caregivers for loved ones often feel alone and ill-resourced as they are tasked with providing care. My work brings people together from all over the world, especially the online 12-week doula training, to support one another in their personal journeys caring for their loved ones and navigating aging and end of life.
Who are your teachers?
I’ve been a student of Tibetan Buddhism since 1998. I studied with Roshi Joan Halifax and Frank Ostaseski at the Zen Hospice in San Francisco.
What are the different ways people can work with you?
Choose Nurture offers online courses in becoming a death doula and Five Conversations, a planning resource for aging and terminally ill patients facing mortality with consciousness, compassion, and connection. I also offer education and training in nursing programs, hospital networks, and communities seeking an educational program online and in-person in end of life care.
What do you think personal growth has to do with collective change?
Understanding grief, how we approach loss and endings is a valuable aspect of personal growth. Talking about death is talking about life. Avoiding the inevitable only creates more suffering. When we talk about death and our feelings, fears and experiences with loss we grow closer to one another.
Why is it important to explore aging and death while we are alive?
“The quality of our relationships determine the quality of our lives,” is a quote from Esther Perel. If this is true, it is extremely important to live as though today could be our last and cultivate healthy relationships with everyone in our lives. This takes communication, kindness, understanding, and so much more that is found when we come alongside someone on their journey “home.”
What are some of your daily rituals and practices?
Tibetan meditations cultivating compassion, Hatha and Iyengar Yoga, and healthy communication with loved ones. For example, never going to bed angry or unsettled, but instead practicing good communication that creates more peace, more understanding, and forgiveness.
What do you keep on your bedside table or on your altar?
Water, precious water is always on the altar and my bedside. My mala, prayer beads, and flowers.
What is the best advice you've ever gotten?
Just show up, especially when you don’t want to, but deep inside you know it’s good for you. We often want to run from death, caregiving, and the responsibilities that arise when it comes to this phase of life, but just show up and let your presence speak for itself.
What words of wisdom do you always find yourself sharing?
Your presence is powerful. When you show up to be present and not fix or heal, but to just be with someone, especially in their pain, you will be surprised at how helpful your presence actually is, just as you are.
What are three books you recommend?
Being with Dying by Roshi Joan Halifax
The Five Invitations by Frank Ostaseski
No Death, No Fear by Thich Nhat Hahn